Demon's Souls: Three Years Later (Part 13)

Mar. 5, 2014

Demon’s Souls: Three Years Later (Part 13)

Brace yourself, the next chapter was too short by itself so this is a twofer.  Together it’s a little longer than normal but it’s my series so suck it up and get reading already (I’ll add a lot of links to keep you occupied and make you think you’re being entertained).

Last time Ipitied da’ fool(1)who wasn’t prepared to be the Old Monk.  With so few things left to do now, we press on…

Chapter 13

Skarekrow vs. The Leechmonger: Battle of the Ages

I have to tell anyone who has faithfully followed my adventures this far:

This will likely be the most boring chapter yet. Consider yourself warned.

I enter the Valley of Defilement and walk up some pretty poorly constructed walkways.  I imagine that the citizens who fashioned this had a lot of trouble working a hammer with their tongue being in the way all the time.  A lollipop doesn’t stand a chance against these guys.

I take on the first enemy and one shot him. He hit me once too but the damage is negligible.  Same with the second.  I shoot the first guy up top trying to ambush me.  The arrow also one shots him.  It’s at this point I make two observations:

1. There’s no chance these guys pose a threat.  As a result, I don’t feel bad about using archery for most of this section.  Assume from here on that if I didn’t mention it specifically, I probably shot the enemy with a fire arrow.

2. After doing the entirety of all the other areas (with the exception of the False King) and being level 60 something or other, I’m pretty damn overpowered for this section.  I’d have to do something pretty boneheaded or fall to die here.

As a result of these two observations I have a key storytelling problem here.  Do I try to make some jokes and have this area be interesting or do I skip the less important details?

My clever is broken.  I think I’ll mostly fast forward this section.

I head down, shootingSpy vs. Spy(2) clones along the way.  The ones that like to hide in the grass get slashed.  With the penetrating sword this is substantially less effective but it’s plenty murderous right now.

I run into one normal looking person.  The game describes her as “filthy.”  She doesn’t look noticeably more dirt and grime covered than pretty much any other NPC in the game,  none of whom are described as “filthy.”  I assume that means she has a dirty mind.  At some point she tells the player she used to be hot stuff in the Valley until Astraea came along.  I think my definition could be accurate so I buy a few poisonous arrows and take my Penetrating Sword and get the heck out of there before she starts getting ideas.

Shortly after this, a pile of rats makes some nice kebobs.  Lucky for my guests the arrows I’m using cook them while skewering.  Say what you will about this land, barbecues are convenient.

Also major kudos to From on the rats.  If I’m not mistaken this is the only location you find them in the game.  To think, they programmed these in for just one spot to mess with you and give you the plague. I didn’t risk it this time but if I recall correctly they’re a pain in the rear to hit with a melee weapon.

I head down a little more.  Then I head back up to find any treasure I missed.  I find a good amount and also take a shortcut that resembles walking the plank.  Instead of sharks below, the Spy vs. Spy guys think they’re fooling me.  I get all stabby on them and that’s the end of that.

Continuing on to where I was already at with the rats I get to face my first bigSpy.  I used to have some problems with these jerks.  I think it might have something to do with the fact that shields aren’t always good at “shielding.”  Once again, my Dark Souls Kiln Challenge work pays off.

A short skedaddle later and it’s time for the Leechmonger(3).

I enter the fog and I’m instantly not intimidated in the least.  Casually walking down the planks I get a leech splash nearby but I’m like “whatevs.”

For old time’s sake I’m tempted to kill him the way I did the first time.

Instead I continue calmly walking down the planks.  To be fair, I did shoot it a few times but I gave it plenty of time to heal back up.  I get to the bottom and brace myself for what will surely be a battle of epic proportions.

I grit my teeth and steel my will and lots of other cliches that show off how brave I am in the face of adversity.

The Leechmonger dies before I learn what attacks it might actually try on me.  I’m getting the feeling that maybe Astraea isn’t the weakest boss in the game(4).

I head back to the Nexus to suicide.  I want to make sure I can get White and Black Tendency in as many places as possible since I don’t think this story will be interesting going into NG+.  I also drop some weight.  I know I found a good amount of treasure.  I have no idea what most of it is since it’s nothing I’ll use. But I needed it!

Another warning potentially.  Usually each chapter has been one night of playing.  However, the next chapter is from the same night.  I didn’t get any extra playing time.  I just ripped through it quickly.  I split the chapters into sections of the area rather than have one really long chapter (5) but just remember, if I went through this fast, I likely didn’t run into much trouble.  Consider yourself further warned.

CHAPTER 14

Muck You Two

Before setting out into the Valley of Defilement again I swapped some gear.  While I love my Fluted Helmet and Sage gear I figured a little extra poison protection wouldn’t hurt.  So on goes the Black Leather.  Rob Halford would be proud.  I add the Ring of Poison Resistance.  When it’s all said and done, I’ve quadrupled my poison resistance.  Not bad.

I head in and get to test myself against the slightly tougher version of the Spy vs. Spy characters.  The slash on my sword takes a few hits.  The stab is pretty effective though.  Arrows are also pretty great.  Good thing I stocked up on ammo too (like I would let myself NOT have enough arrows).

I charge into the swamp.  Going island to island I make sure to shoot thejelly lelliesall around.  I entered the area with only 16 lotuses and I don’t want to fall short.  I venture out a little at a time to test the water.  And by “water” I mean “mosquito riddled toxic sludge.”  I get a little braver shortly before the big island with the Spies on it.  It’s sad I remembered that.  I head back to the beginning of the muck and find out that it takes a really long time to be poisoned with over 500 resistance.  Also, I have an absurd lotus collection going on thanks to the jellies.  I start to suspect I’ll be fine in regards to the poison.

I head back and arrow the little spies.  I draw the big one in and realize I don’t have enough time to get back to the big island to allow for free movement.  I can avoid one hit at most I estimate.  I avoid this hit and decide to be aggressive.

I’m never aggressive.  How many times have I used the word “bow” or “arrow” so far?  The Kiln Challenge skills?  Yeah, all defensive minded.

It’s at this point I discover something wondrous!  The R2 combo of the Penetrating Sword.  Due to my defensive style I rarely use combos.  With the heavy strikes it’s even more rare.  I need to ensure I have stamina to burn for a block or a dodge.  With the R2 combo this guy doesn’t last long.

At some point(6) I’ll have to compare the stabbing output percentage wise of this sword compared to it’s counterparts.  Seriously, it’s ****ing stabtastic!

Looping back the other way in the muck I think I see a shadow moving.  I can’t find it again and move on.  Pausing for treasure, suddenly there’s a red outline to my right.  I completely forget this phantom patrols.  Well done From!  I have a decent size patch of land so I invite trouble with fire arrow. I’m doing ok at avoiding the attacks.  We’re both half done.  I get stuck in the mud and it’s all over.

Spoiler alert (even though I’m not putting a spoiler in): This is the only time I die in this chapter.  Which, even more sadly, is still more than last chapter.

Time for round two.  I notice the jelly lellies haven’t returned.  I go to the left this time to initiate the fight sooner.  Remember how good that R2 combo was?  Interesting I had forgotten it only a couple minutes after discovery.  I again take the aggressive approach.  It pays off again.  Since we’re in the Valley of Defilement and everything is supposed to be dirty I’ll put it this way:

I penetrated that phantom over and over.

Technically the second move in the combo isn’t a stab. Write your own damn innuendo.

INTERMISSION TIME:

I freakin’ love that song!

Pressing on, I again have success with the large Spy.  This is a trend that will continue.

Moving through the fog I walk up the planks.  I kill a lot of spies.  I assume the flying bugs have some way of hurting me.  I can’t remember what it is and I don’t find out again tonight.  I forgot about the purple guy(7).  Not that this means anything.  I just forgot about him.  He dies pretty quickly via arrows.

Now to the left, and I find myself backtracking a little bit.  The slugs increase their presence.  I decrease it for them.  I find a large pile hanging (just like I knew I would).  Chopping at this thing to get it to fall is one of the few times I felt like something bad might happen.  Why won’t my character keep his feet still while swinging?

I take the shortcut down and just open fire on the pile.  I’m thinking an actual open fire would be best.  Sadly I’m not proficient enough in magic to make an open fire like I want.  I get a Moonlight sword.  All we need now is a game where I could use a weapon like this but with giant robots. Maybe some day (I will take Armored Core out and play it again).

Looping back to the right this time I come across a group of large spies. I find a rogue slug who has apparently been trying to wear the gold armor(8).

“Pro” tip with bows in the Valley: Enemies can be hard to see from a long range and make sighting them difficult. It’s a little chilly in the Valley though. You can see the breath of many creatures.  Insert evil emoticon

I continue my loop and run into Selen.  It doesn’t take me long to realize that the armor looks better on her than the slug.  She seems nice.  She wants to know where her brother is.  A couple thoughts on this:

-If my character could speak I could tell her right where he is.

-If she actually got up and moved she could probably find him herself.

…

Another fog door and I run into the Filthy Woman again.  I buy more arrows. She recites a few naughty limericks(9).  I move on.

None of the spies get the drop on me.  I progress through the plank maze pretty easily.  Heading around and opening the shortcut is a breeze too.

It’s time for another epic battle(10).  I seem to recall strafing and throwing fireballs at this guy. I don’t have fireballs so I hope that he can die a different way.

I had gotten some black turpentine recently. I figure I might as well use some.  He coats me with his fly swarm once.  Apart from that and getting hit one time…

And I’m thinking Astraea(11) might be the toughest boss in the Valley.

A quick Nexus suicide to preserve the integrity of my pure white goal and I’m off to find the lady fair.

Apparently Selen’s younger brother Garl isn’t happy to see me.  Turns out Astraea assumes I’m there for her soul and to pillage.  She couldn’t becloser tofurther from the truth but she sends Garl up for a meet and greet anyway (with a very large hammer).

It’s time to fight Garl.  In a pattern that seems to be coming up frequently here, the Kiln Challenge techniques make Garl look pretty foolish.  I got greedy and he hit me once.Once(stick with the video I swear you’ll get the reference). But that’s about the extent of it.

Funny side story.  He healed once too. I had him near dead before he landed his one hit.  I get up and he’s casting.  I use magic so much that I was completely confused as to what he’s casting.  I stand and stare.  And he’s back to full health. D’Oh!

I walk down and sprint the last stretch to avoid the creepy babies.  Talking to Astraea she seems a little upset.  She shoves a soul into her face which apparently kills her.  Maybe that’s why we crush them in our hands.  Like the M&Ms slogan: “Melts your face, not your hands”

(1)  “Pity” is code for “brutally murder”

(2) RIP Antonio Prohias

(3) Do NOT cue dramatic music

(4) Spoiler alert, Astraea dies from talking to you

(5) Well originally I split it.  Now it’s one really long chapter

(6) Or never

(7) Mage spies

(8) Armor worn by Selen Vinland. We’re about to meet her

(9) There once was a man in a tower,

who wanted more souls for his power.

Then he woke the old one,

Boletaria had no fun,

and something about sex since this is supposed to be a dirty limerick

(10) Dirty Colossus, pretty much what it sounds like it.

(11) Astraea is the Mother Theresa of Demon’s Souls.  She takes care of tons of plague ridden citizens of the Valley, taking the pestilence upon herself.  Clearly she needs to die

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